As a virtual assistant, you encounter your share of battles to overcome. But sometimes, the biggest battle is your own internal monologue.
I can’t actually do this. I feel like an imposter pretending to be cut out for this life. People think I’m qualified, but if they only knew…
These defeating thoughts are common in people with imposter syndrome, which tends to be found among highly successful and high achieving people.
AKA: you!
Imposter syndrome acts like a crippling sickness that keeps us from being bold in our personal and professional lives, robbing us of growth, success, and even happiness.
It’s a terrible thing to experience. But, it is something that can be conquered!
What Really Is Imposter Syndrome?
Imposter syndrome is a term often thrown around and splashed in click baiting headlines, leaving people confused as to what it actually is (and whether they’re affected by it).
Imposter syndrome was created in the 1970s by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes, who described it as a feeling of “phoniness in people who believe that they are not intelligent, capable or creative despite evidence of high achievement.”
Did you catch the irony? It’s those who are capable and qualified (evidenced by their previous high achievement) who doubt themselves to a debilitating degree.
Basically, imposter syndrome is a terrible, gut-sinking feeling experienced by motivated and successful people that keeps them from taking action out of a false perception of their own inferiority.
It’s important to note that imposter syndrome is not humility. Humility is an accurate view of your self-worth. Imposter syndrome is a skewed view of your “lack” of ability and success.
It’s also not the same as having a realistic perspective. Being a realist means your lack of action comes from the potential risks outweighing the potential benefits. Imposter syndrome, however, keeps you from acting because you falsely believe you’re not capable.
Imposter syndrome is the little troll on our shoulder feeding us lies about our potential. It keeps us from being the best virtual assistant we can be. We hesitate to take our company in a new direction…because we’re the ones who must lead it there. At networking events, we keep to ourselves because we don’t think we can offer anything of value to potential connections. Our own lack of confidence can rub off on our employees, making it harder for them to be bold and daring.
When we buy into lies about our capability, our business suffers. And more importantly, our mental and emotional well-being suffers. Imposter syndrome has no place in your life!
How We Perceive Success
One of the root problems of imposter syndrome comes from an inability to internalize previous success accurately. Remember, imposter syndrome happens in people with high success. Our brains have to justify the poor views of ourselves against the list of objective successes, and it does so with two approaches.
Our brain says we just got lucky. Our success isn’t due to our own efforts, we were just in the right place at the right time. Often, our brain tells us we shouldn’t take a chance because the luck we’ve been coasting on may run out.
Or, our brain says our success isn’t really that big of a deal. Our accomplishments are overblown in the eyes of others. So, we shouldn’t get cocky about trying, because really, you’re an imposter for believing you’re capable of high achievement.
If one (or both) of these mindsets resonates with how you perceive your success, then you’ve identified the first way you can overcome imposter syndrome. It’s hard, but you need to consciously work on reframing how you view success.
It’s okay to celebrate and take pride in your success. In fact, it’s important for your confidence’s sake to view your success accurately. (That means recognizing the role your ability and hard work played!)
Try this exercise. Physically write out past successes. Then write out how your talents, skills, and time got you those successes. It’ll help you fight the “it was just luck” or “it really wasn’t that impressive” defeatist thoughts. When you experience imposter syndrome thoughts, review the list. It’ll be a little pep talk from you to you.
Other Strategies for Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
There are a few ways you can work to get imposter syndrome out of your life. Try the ones that appeal to you (or try them all and see what helps). It won’t happen overnight, but you can work to a life free of imposter syndrome.
- Remember that you’re not alone. Be reassured that many people experience imposter syndrome. Even famous people like Tina Fey, Kate Winslet, and Maya Angelou all struggle with it! Other people have felt exactly as you do right now, and other people have conquered your battle, too.
- Don’t think more success is the answer. Some people think they just need to rack up
a list of more achievements to feel more confident. But, the problem with imposter syndrome isn’t a lack of success (since it happens with people who are very successful). It’s not being able to internalize accurately those successes. Imposter syndrome won’t go away with more success. - Hear from others’ experiences. When we buy into the “I’m the only one feeling this way” trap, we’re left feeling powerless. Books like Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In”, which talks about common fears of women in the workplace, can help us feel empowered knowing we aren’t alone. You can also read celebrity quotes on imposter syndrome to see how others feel.
- Express your expertise. Find ways to position yourself so you’re sharing what you know with others. It can help you realize you know more than you give yourself credit for. You can serve as a mentor for someone involved (or interested in) your industry. Be an active participant for industry-focused Facebook or Google+ groups, answering questions and offering advice. You’ll see that you know more, and are capable of more, than you thought.
- Lean on loved ones. It’s scary to admit you’re struggling, especially to people who exalt you for your abilities. But your friends and family can be an invaluable resource, working as your cheerleaders talking down negative self-talk. You can also reach out to people experiencing similar struggles, supporting each other and going through the process of overcoming imposter syndrome together.
It’s terrible to feel imposter syndrome, but it can and will get better! Remember, you ARE capable, smart, talented, and you absolutely can do this.